Just like last year, I sent him a cake for his birthday.

Just like last year, I am certain he will forget my birthday.

Why am I even expecting? We haven't talked in months already.

clueless

Right as this very moment, I am asking myself what it is exactly that I wanna do with my life? In two weeks time, I will be joining the number of unemployed people. =( But then it was my choice. I could have stayed in my current job a little longer but I just couldn't. I can't for work for someone who does not even know how to take good care of his people. Little gestures would have been fine but I don't see any of it. Couple of hours ago, I have found a job opening as a online english instructor and part time teacher. I applied. I am hoping I'll be hired the soonest the possible. Job hunting is not easy but my current job, it sucks! Sometimes, I think of finding a job in another country and will live my life the way I want it. Sure, it's gonna be a long process.

I AM TOTALLY CLUELESS. And I need time to think and someone to help me decide.

Honestly, I wish I can talk to Otep. He always gives me the most helpful advice. I wish Otep is still here for me. I wish he still loves me.

family's angel

My heart cannot handle you anymore. I value the friendship so much that I am willing to give up what I feel. I value the friendship so much that I reached out hoping to put things back the way they were. But they didn't. And am not sure if it's ever gonna happen again. It's breaking my heart. I've had enough. I have to take you out of my life. You are very important to me but as day passes by, you only make me sad. I don't want to cry over someone who does not even see me.

I WILL FORGET YOU.

Reminders of him

He gave this to me when he went to US for a vacation.

This is a candle holder he gave to me sometime in November 2007.

The bag he gave me sometime in March 2008. :)

This is a keychain given by my sister. I love it because it's like a locket where you can place a picture when you open it. I put his picture inside and carry this with me all thetime.

Out first movie together. :)

Second movie. =)

I bought this little bears so I could give it to him but I've decided to keep it instead.

Kuya Peping's 60th Birthday

Okay, this post is really late. The family celebrated his birthday last August 02, 2009 at Wack Wack Golf and Country Club. :) Kuya Peping is my mom's eldest brother. We all fondly call him Kuya or Daddy Kuya. =)

I have always loved family gatherings but too bad 4 tito/tita and 12 cousins missed the party.

Left to right: Tito Jojo, Kuya Peping, Mommy, Tita Grace, Tita Heds, Uncle Bryce and Diko Alex

Yummy cake from Conti's. :)

Favorite part of the menu.

Another favorite

My cousins

At the back: James, Pia, Jea, Ate Arlene, Hans, Pamela, Ayahnna, Jeli, Bernette, Me, Paulette; Front Row: Jerals, Gabby, Kuya Jeff, Jor-el, Kuya Irvin

Papa, Me, Kuya Peping and Mommy

With my mommy.

Stuck in the past

My horoscope for today (the one found in Friendster) said:

A person from your past might be holding you back from enjoying your present or rather, the memories of this person are keeping you from moving forward. Are you stuck in the past? - Yes, it's important to understand how old relationships and old choices can affect you today but you could run the risk of getting stuck in nostalgia. Not much can get done when all you do is compare your current life to the life you used to have. Put away the photo albums and decide to live your life walking forward.

- Move forward. Easier said than done. How can I let go of the past when I haven't forgiven myself? I blamed myself every single day for the last 4 years for letting him go. I know I did everything I could to have him back but still, he chose to leave. Yes, I am stuck in the past for last 4 years. And I do not know how to escape. Letting him go is my biggest regret. He was my life and with just a snap of a finger, he was gone and never came back. I am hoping though that one day I will be able to move forward. -

My treasures!

I loved you the best way I know... so I ended up breaking my own heart...

Whoever you are....

When are you coming into my life?

I am patiently waiting for you.

I keep praying to Him. I told Him my heart is now ready to fall in love all over again. I am just waiting for you.

I hope you come very soon. My heart needs you. I need you.

:)

I got a kiss! ;)

I got a kiss again on my duty. A parent asked for my help to look for his very cute son in the play place because the kid might have reached the top and his father won't be able to go inside. Instead of calling a crew, I went inside to look for the kid. Good thing he's not yet on the top so when I saw him, I told him that his father is already looking for him. The boy listened and went down with me. I even had to carry him. ;p After they finished their food, the boy came near to me, reached for my face and gave me the sweetest kiss! And bid goodbye. :) He was such a cute little boy. :) Even am really tired at work, those sweet little things can make my day. :) Oh, and nothing can beat kids' smile, hugs and kisses! :)

Hopeful no more

My hopes when it comes to Miguel have come to its end. It wasn't wrong that I fell in love with him. What was wrong is I assumed and expected that he has the same feelings. I don't regret that I fell in love nor when I told him the truth because even it gave me so much pain, I had my questions answered. What I regret is that I ruined the friendship for letting him know what I feel. If only I knew that everything's gonna end up this way, that we won't be talking for almost 3 months already, I would have not told him. I would have just kept my little secret. I don't know if we'd still be talking again. I don't know either if I still wanna hope for it. What I know is that I don't wanna get hurt anytime soon. Not until my heart has been fully healed.

One Great Love

If one great love do exists, I have mine. It has been 4 years, 6 months, 17 days to be exact since he broke up with me. Up to this day, I feel like a part of my heart still belongs to him. He has found a new girlfriend and there's no way he's coming back to me. I sincerely want him to be happy and he will always have a special place in my heart. But if destiny brings us back together I promise not to let him go again. Never. But if he won't come back then my heart will find the right man and will love him unconditionally. :)

Student Again

After 3 looong years, I'm a student again. I will always be a Thomasian but now, I'm officially a UP Student. How cool is that? I got myself enrolled at UP Open University (distance education) taking up Professional Teaching Certification. I am fulfilling my dreams. Soon I will be a pre-school teacher like I have always wanted to be. Soon I am going to teach children like I have always dreamed of. I am going to teach them sing, dance, write, read and color. :) Hopefully, I get to finish the program in one year. I only took 2 subjects because of the training that McDonald's requires me to finish. I will make sure I'm done with my MDP before first semester ends. I'm also hoping that on second semester, I will be allowed to take 9 units. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I am going to study harded than what I did in college. I am thankful to be able to study again. :)

Cam Sur Summer Trip

I went to Camarines Sur with my college friends, Jenny and Tricia and Jen's cousin, Kirk last May 21, 2009. We were back in Manila this morning. It was a trip planned months ago and we are glad it was pushed through. We all badly need a vacation. On our first day, we were in Naga City and stayed at Dra. Gubilla's place. She was a very accommodating woman, 82 year old pediatrician who is still practicing her profession. Our second day was off to Caramoan Island. It was the start of the package tour we availed. We met the tour guide at the bus terminal together with the other tourist. From the bus terminal, we headed to the Sabang Port for a 2-hour boat ride to the island. It was scary but we're so lucky that the ocean was so calm and it didn't rain. It was really a good thing that the weather was not moody during the entire boat ride. After 2 hours, we finally reached Caramoan. A jeep picked us up to bring us at the Rex Tourist Inn. We took a rest for 2 hours before starting our tour. It actually rained just in time we were about to leave the Inn but that didn't stop us from leaving. We went spelunking and visited the Our Lady of Peace Grotto which has about 500 steps to climb before reaching the top. The second day was pure island hopping. We went to 5 different islands. It was so beautiful. The water was so clear. The sand was really white in color. It was really a paradise and we are hoping it stays that way. There were rock formations. We even saw the materials to be used in the shooting of Survivor Bulgaria. We played in the water and in the sand. We just love all the experiences. At around 5 in the afternoon, we headed back to the Inn, had dinner and took a rest. Our third and last day was spent in 2 hour boat ride back to the city, wake boarding at the CWC and playing at Lago del Rey. It was a very tiring day but FUN! It was our first time to try wake board and it was really an experience. Our muscles were hurting due to all the activities we had but it was worth it. Aren't we so lucky? Three of the tourists didn't avail their slots for the wake boarding and gave it to us instead. We had free 2 hours wake boarding! :) We also had picture with LJ Moreno and Mark Logan. Haha! :) We are all looking forward to another vacation and our next destination is Davao. :) Our new goal is to travel the Philippines! :)

i painted my nails red!

I totally love the Maybelline red nail polish my sister sent to me! :)

The kid at heart :)

I seriously need a new job! I will start my job hunting very soon and when I do get it, I will go far, far away. Away from my control freak mother. I can't live a life anyone controlling me. 

Thank you Lord...

• Thank You because I have complete family. Not to mention I have a control freak mother. ;p
• Thank You because I have a job which can be too way exhausting but fun at the same time.
• Thank You for giving me real friends - Cathy, Bru, Ella, Tim, Cathy, Twish, Lea, Jen, Claud, Cholette, Miguel and Otep.
• Thank You because little by little, I'm coping with my feelings for Miguel.
• Thank You for making me realize that life is still beautiful despite all the heartaches I am going through.
• Thank You because I am healthy.
• Thank You because I lost weight.
• Thank You because I am going to Cam Sur next week. Sure it's going to be fun.
• Thank You because I am going back to school, an online university though.
• Thank You for my wifi. I got to surf the net.
  
• Thank You because I just got my hair straightened few days ago.
• Thank You for giving me so much patience.
• Thank You there's Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill to watch and enjoy every week. :)
• Thank You because I never stopped believing in love.
  
• Thank You for my very generous sister.
• Thank You because I'm ready to bounce back. :)
• Thank You because I have so much to appreciate in this life. :)
• Thank You because I have the strength to exercise.
• Thank You for my so-called talents.
• Thank You that blogsites do exist.
• Thank You because I dream of getting married and having twins someday.
• Thank You because I want to learn how to speak Chinese.
• Thank You because I never lost hope.
• Thank You there's coffee to make me function in the morning and tea to make me feel better after a very tiring day.
• Thank You I have my own laptop and iPod.

I will add more to this list. I don't think I will ever stop thanking Good Lord for all the blessings He gave to me. ;)

• 
  

Today I was a counter manager, fry person, runner/assembler and drink drawer. Talk about multi tasking. ;p My job is way too exhausting. My job has become a routine and am just so tired. But I can't just quit, I got responsibilities.

I just want to fall in love with my job all over again. Just the like the way I am 3 years ago. ;)

Excited!

12 days from now to be exact before me and my friends go to Cam Sur for our 4 days 3 nights summer trip. I am just so excited! I badly need this trip. I need a break from all the things that I'm going through right now. :)

I still miss him. He must have forgotten that I still exist. How sad life can get. ;( The only consolation I got is that I know in my heart that I loved him the best way I know. And I have lots of memories to think about. I have saved the thousand text messages he sent for the past 2 years and YM conversation we had, at least I won't forget the good things we shared. He's still a friend and he will always be cherished. ;p

I reached out only to be ignored. :(

Is this what I get for being a good friend and loving a friend at the same time?

I didn't mean to fall in love. I just did.

I never had the person I love. To make the matter worst, I think I lost a friend too.

Maybe this is goodbye..

What boredom does to me?

10 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME

1. I'm a huge fan of Lea Salonga.
2. I cried when I read the book A Child called It.
3. My favorite tv shows are Charmed, Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill.
4. I'm a good friend.
5. I'd like to be a pre school teacher one day.
6. I dislike novelty songs. ;p
7. I love Japanese and Chinese foods.
8. I don't keep unworthy relationship.
9. I have a weird style of holding a pen. Mine is between the middle and index finger.
10. I can stay in my room the whole day with a good book, internet and tv.

9 THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE

1. Meet Lea Salonga.
2. Send my cousins to school.
3. Travel the world.
4. See my parents celebrate their golden wedding anniversary.
5. Appear in a tv commercial.
6. Have a billboard posted in EDSA.
7. Get married with the man of my dreams and have beautiful twins. ;)
8. Own a mansion.
9. Do extreme sports.

8 WAYS TO WIN MY HEART

1. Serenade me.
2. Be romantic.
3. Write love letters.
4. Great sense of humor.
5. Cook for me.
6. Be a good listener.
7. Honesty and sincerity.
8. Respect individuality.

7 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

1. Plastic/user-friendly people
2. Novelty songs
3. Waking me up in my first hour sleep
4. Loud chewers
5. Answering even when not asked
6. Traffic
7. Bad ventilation

6 THINGS I BELIEVE IN

1. God is always good.
2. The way through a man's heart is through his stomach.
3. Everything happens for a reason.
4. When God closes the door, He opens the window.
5. Life is unfair yet beautiful.
6. Karma. Whether good or bad.

5 THINGS I'M AFRAID OF

1. God
2. Ghosts
3. Cats
4. Growing up alone
5. Betrayal of a friend

4 OF MY FAVORITE THINGS

1. My pig stuffed toy
2. Bayo clothing line
3. My Ipod Video
4. Green Tea
   

3 THINGS I DO EVERYDAY

1. Surf the net.
2. Watch tv.
3. Twitter.

2 THINGS I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW

1. Watch Wolverine.
2. Eat toasted cookies.

1 PERSON I WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW

1. One right man. :)
   

Nice quote

A broken heart is the single greatest pain you will ever have to endure. In fact, the most you can ever imagine and the one who commits this emotional crime is not someone you hate, it is not even someone you dislike. No, because the only person who is capable of breaking your heart is the one who holds it precatiously in their hands, the one with whom you have shared your dreams, your secrets, your fears, the one you loved more than anybody else in this world and therein lies the irony.

What is the meaning of your name?

Kae

A strong leader with a powerful influence and executive ability you exude determination, discipline and effort. Financial success is very likely because of this. People follow you because you are inspirational and original yet still realistic. Your ambition, courage and drive means that you rarely give up on a goal and with your sound judgement, organisational skills and resourcefulness you are able to accomplish anything.

Kristine

Sensitive, friendly and kind you look for peace and beauty in your environment and relationships. People like to be around you because of your charm and generosity and because you always generate a happy atmosphere. You have a fairly traditional approach to life and have a strong attachment to home, family and loved ones. With your creative imagination you have potential to be successful in the the arts.

April

The fourth calendar month "Latin"

Very much the individual you have enormous energy and vision and must find a suitable use for your talents. You have great potential for success in business if you can guard against indecision and worry. Your generous nature means that you are never short of friends and with cooperation your relationships can be very rewarding. Perseverance and firm decision making will ensure you achieve your objectives.

Want to know the meaning of your name? Get it here.

This 2009

Before 2009 started, I promised myself that this year, things will get much better. I have big plans and intend to fulfill them before this year ends...

1. Enroll at UP Open University, take the Professional Teaching Certificate, finish it in 2 semesters and take the Licensure Exam afterwards.
2. Shift to a totally different career which is teaching.
3. Grow my hair longer than I ever had my whole life.
4. Spend the New Year's Eve at HK with my family.
5. Maintain 110 lbs all throughout. :)
6. Spend more time with my friends.
7. Be the best with what I do.
8. Forgive and forget.
9. Save money.
10. Spend my 24th birthday with a totally different celebration. A get away perhaps. ;)
11. Exercise regularly.
12. Learn how to speak Mandarin and Fookien.
13. Go out on a date. :p
14. Get a tan this summer.
15. Take more pictures and write more journals.
16. Live a life the way I want. :)
    

What should I feel?

Just when I have decided to take him out of my life completely, he messaged me in YM. I got it when I woke up this morning. I don't even know if I should be delighted about it. After more than a month of ignoring me, here he was making sort of a comeback in my life. Maybe he should have continue what he has been doing - ignoring me. Maybe it will be easier for me to move on. :(

Zoobic Safari

Me and my friends went to Zoobic Safari - the only tiger safari in teh Philippines, located at SBMA. We saw common animals to exotic ones. We also had a close encounter with the tigers which are really big and attractive. :) We also watched an animal show wherein a monkey was doing a fencing with his trainor and he played basketball too, two poodles danced waltz and a native dog who also played basketball. Very smart animals. :) The tour took 3 hours to finish. It was really hot because we had to walk for 45 minutes but I must say it was FUN! :)

Favorite line..

favorite line by pumpkinpie on Polyvore.com

How it all started..

How it all started.. by pumpkinpie featuring Les Nereides necklaces

This was written by someone who made me fall deeply in love. He gave it to me last October 2003. :)

YOU

YOU by pumpkinpie on Polyvore.com

It was a poem written by an ex-boyfriend back in 2003. He gave it to me last July 19, 2003. :)

first real post

I've made couple of blog sites before. My first one was in Xanga though it hasn't been deactivated I don't update it that much. I used to have it when I was with my college boyfriend. I also have one in Datingish. It's great to read other people's experiences when it comes to love and relationships. I get to learn from them in some ways. I also have a Multiply site which I still update once in a while but mostly for posting of pictures. I got a Facebook but chose not to update it for some personal reasons. I have a Friendster account which I regularly check. Just yesterday, I signed up in Twitter which is actually fun. ;P and now, I am making this account, new and permanent blog site. :) It's nice to be back in Blogspot. :))

7 THINGS

7 things I like the most:

1. Japanese Foods
2. Coffee
3. Dark Chocolates
4. Pig Stuff
5. Hanging out with my girl friends
6. Internet
7. Music

7 random facts about me:

1. I have frequent mood swings.
2. I don't cut my nails on Fridays.
3. I'm a huge fan of Lea Salonga.
4. My 3 dream jobs: pre school teacher, chef and stage actress.
5. I'm a good friend.
6. I believe in true love.
7. I love tv series CHARMED.

7 things that scare me most:

1. betrayal of a true friend
2. rodents
3. cats
4. ghosts
5. separation of my parents
6. growing up alone
7. gain too much weight

7 things I plan before I die:

1. Travel the world
2. Meet Lea Salonga
3. Appear in a TV Commercial
4. Send my cousins to school
5. Own a mansion
6. Have my own family
7. Have my billboard posted in EDSA. hahaha :)

7 important things in my room:

1. pig stuffed toy
2. pillow
3. laptop
4. closet + clothes
5. bed
6. tv
7. journals

7 things I can do:

1. Sing
2. Cook/Bake
3. Take good care of babies/kids
4. Sleeping for more than 10 hours
5. Cry over a book
6. Internet all day
7. Love unconditionally

7 things I can't do:

1. Swim
2. Dance
3. Own a pet
4. Wear perfume
5. Have a body massage
6. Hold or touch a cat
7. Drink too much alcohol

7 things that attract me to opposite sex:

1. Being chubby (so cute!)
   
2. Honesty/Sincerity
3. Sense of Humor
4. God-Fearing
5. Responsible
6. Big appetite
7. Musically Inclined

7 celebrity crushes:

1. Brad Pitt
2. Orlando Bloom
3. Chad Michael Murray
4. Patrick Demsey
5. James Lafferty
6. I only have 5.

7 things I say the most:

1. Oh my God!
2. Bigtime
3. Wow!
4. No way!
5. Shit!
6. Aba!
7. Still thinkin'