Just like last year, I sent him a cake for his birthday.

Just like last year, I am certain he will forget my birthday.

Why am I even expecting? We haven't talked in months already.

clueless

Right as this very moment, I am asking myself what it is exactly that I wanna do with my life? In two weeks time, I will be joining the number of unemployed people. =( But then it was my choice. I could have stayed in my current job a little longer but I just couldn't. I can't for work for someone who does not even know how to take good care of his people. Little gestures would have been fine but I don't see any of it. Couple of hours ago, I have found a job opening as a online english instructor and part time teacher. I applied. I am hoping I'll be hired the soonest the possible. Job hunting is not easy but my current job, it sucks! Sometimes, I think of finding a job in another country and will live my life the way I want it. Sure, it's gonna be a long process.

I AM TOTALLY CLUELESS. And I need time to think and someone to help me decide.

Honestly, I wish I can talk to Otep. He always gives me the most helpful advice. I wish Otep is still here for me. I wish he still loves me.

family's angel

My heart cannot handle you anymore. I value the friendship so much that I am willing to give up what I feel. I value the friendship so much that I reached out hoping to put things back the way they were. But they didn't. And am not sure if it's ever gonna happen again. It's breaking my heart. I've had enough. I have to take you out of my life. You are very important to me but as day passes by, you only make me sad. I don't want to cry over someone who does not even see me.

I WILL FORGET YOU.

Reminders of him

He gave this to me when he went to US for a vacation.

This is a candle holder he gave to me sometime in November 2007.

The bag he gave me sometime in March 2008. :)

This is a keychain given by my sister. I love it because it's like a locket where you can place a picture when you open it. I put his picture inside and carry this with me all thetime.

Out first movie together. :)

Second movie. =)

I bought this little bears so I could give it to him but I've decided to keep it instead.

Kuya Peping's 60th Birthday

Okay, this post is really late. The family celebrated his birthday last August 02, 2009 at Wack Wack Golf and Country Club. :) Kuya Peping is my mom's eldest brother. We all fondly call him Kuya or Daddy Kuya. =)

I have always loved family gatherings but too bad 4 tito/tita and 12 cousins missed the party.

Left to right: Tito Jojo, Kuya Peping, Mommy, Tita Grace, Tita Heds, Uncle Bryce and Diko Alex

Yummy cake from Conti's. :)

Favorite part of the menu.

Another favorite

My cousins

At the back: James, Pia, Jea, Ate Arlene, Hans, Pamela, Ayahnna, Jeli, Bernette, Me, Paulette; Front Row: Jerals, Gabby, Kuya Jeff, Jor-el, Kuya Irvin

Papa, Me, Kuya Peping and Mommy

With my mommy.

Stuck in the past

My horoscope for today (the one found in Friendster) said:

A person from your past might be holding you back from enjoying your present or rather, the memories of this person are keeping you from moving forward. Are you stuck in the past? - Yes, it's important to understand how old relationships and old choices can affect you today but you could run the risk of getting stuck in nostalgia. Not much can get done when all you do is compare your current life to the life you used to have. Put away the photo albums and decide to live your life walking forward.

- Move forward. Easier said than done. How can I let go of the past when I haven't forgiven myself? I blamed myself every single day for the last 4 years for letting him go. I know I did everything I could to have him back but still, he chose to leave. Yes, I am stuck in the past for last 4 years. And I do not know how to escape. Letting him go is my biggest regret. He was my life and with just a snap of a finger, he was gone and never came back. I am hoping though that one day I will be able to move forward. -